Why?

Why must I be smiling always,
when inside my heart bleeds to bits
why must I show strength and courage,
when my world stands to be ripped apart,
why must I stand tall in this union,
when its my grounding thats been taken off me,
why must I show calm and grace,
when you have structured my whole life to change..

You may never understand this turmoil..
where joy masks pain
and all pain shadows joy..
where you are asked to believe in the fresh bloom,
and leave behind all known as the 'past'

Never in my life had i felt the need to regret,
but for the first time today I wish I were a man instead...