Thee-see-sing

Once again today, I shall let insanity take over and absurdness start building base. Since the deadline's coming closer, its time to walk the thin bridge now. So senseless as I always feel it is, the representations will feed sense into it!!!! For me there is no bigger wonder than how randomness of this sort can be a resultant of anything. Maybe we are finally talking of the sub-conscious, some inherent logic that me being so subjective, cant read. Again that leads to the new debate : object - subject boundaries. I still fail to understand which dimension my insert is better signifying. This dilemma is huge, just doesn't let me see the builtform.

But just last night I finally realized the required process for assumption of a builtform, ofcourse that had so much to do with choice, that it crippled me once again. But there are bigger questions, is the whole process a narrative, and if so then why are these discourses so disconnected? Or is the whole process independent layering, such that each aspect represents a newer reality. Something makes me think the latter will only make the project more and more real. Not that reality is unnecessary, but I thought the project deals more with reading into a context and not just reading the context. In either case this dilemma is too much of a stopper. And I still cant see a good enough reasoning to prefer any one over the other. If nothing else, then by tonight there will be a simple inky-pinky-ponky choice, and something shall just die an instant death.

It always is easiest to appropriate processes based on narratives, so am I an escapist? My god that's one dimension I never wanted to be in. Why am I doing this at all, if it will make sense to no one but me!?! But the opposite of narratives is not reality. Should not be. How can that make sense? What is the middle path...? That my reality is an event, my reference point is a static and my appropriation of context is a dialogue? That is only the closest that I have gotten to diagramming that. But again where is the layering, the reality as read?? gawd, if there is an angel up there, this is the time to prove it!!