lost.. a bit

When was the last time i felt totally proud of myself, like, wow thats me(!)?....... yup it took those many dots to think it out and realise it has happened for as far as memory can stretch. Not that there arent the everyday uplifters, but what about that one moment in time when you've gone beyond yourself, and realised a new self exists much beyond where you think you ended.?. People say this city gives you an oppurtunity with every blink, somehow it has stopped inspiring me. Conversely, i discovered a new part of the city just yesterday, a part i havent ever seen or explored. Something that totally reminded me of a crowded deira street, with scrapers on either ends, crowds, big cars, neon boards(dont know if they actually were), people looking into shops, footpaths being used as they should be. Somehow a part of the city where no one was really in a rush to get anywhere, they were moving, and fast, but still not being a crowd. There still is a want to know how this connects back to the city, even to the closest railway station for that matter. But somehow that unknown environment surfaced fear and anxiety more than excitement and pleasure. The city has managed to overpower its onwn quest. Will i ever regain the fun of seeing environments grow around me and the pride of rediscovering myself within them?