30.3.05-16.04.05 : nothings changed

i feel so much the need to talk today, i'm so grateful this exists! i'm feeling quite down with the stagnancy and the look of everyone around going through ups and downs, but atleast still moving. what is my kind of movement? the designs working out today? and again, oh no it doesnt seem too much in place. i mean c'mon how much is there to debate over this? also to look at it like this makes me feel sad. because eventually i know its not my 100 per cent, im compromising already. not even like after this there is much to look forward to. but dont know which direction to go in. there seem like so many choices and when you get to them, there are none at all. i dont know, everything has just been good in distancing. but facing it, the world doesnt seem like it would give you ur space. i so want to share. to talk, but what to do, some things are just not within your reach.

m(a)ry-go(ing)-round

what is then an idea of public? if i build for the masses, they arent masses anymore, they become minorities. and if i build for any singular, then that obviously isnt public. so either ways, seclusion though defines public, destroys public. that means public is an idea in the head, there is no real all democratic place. there can never be. or maybe it is everything beyond the threshold of home. then why am i building it at all. what is it in that place that i think calls for such a building. why do i need to build a public in that place? the whole site is open for viewing, for building experience. and whether i insert my own expreince in it or not, the functions shall function the way they do. so then lets just build subways, because they are what is 'needed' at traffic junctions. each traffic junction speaks in its own history. so individually, one layer is that of its history, the other layer is that of experience. that history can result into some memory. some value you add for the building. and make it not just a plain function. the other value you can add to the building is to address an idea of public that the city aspires. or that part of town aspires.... blah blah blah